Breaking News: Kim Kardashian is A Famewhore

30 Sep

So guys, I’m going to tell you a story.  Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in Famewhore Land, and she was a famewhore, but she wanted to be the famewhoreist of them all, but unfortunately there were many other girls who were way more famewhoreish than she was.  So she came up with an idea, “I’ll make the most boring “celebrity” sex tape around, get peed on by my “celebrity” boyfriend, and then cry foul when it gets released, even though me and my devil mother came up with the idea together,” she thought to herself, and so she did my dear readers.

And she became the most famewhoreist in all the Famewhore Land, and became their Queen.  Now that girl had 2 other sisters (she had other siblings, but no one cared about them because they were too young to get peed on, make a sex tape, get pregnant, or anything, so they were locked in a closet until they became of age), anyways, the 2 other sisters were famewhores but they weren’t famewhores like our dear queen, but that dear readers soon changed.  Why one sister decided to get pregnant twice  by a gay douchebag (and I mean gay as in the literal sense, not in the deregulatory sense, seriously, look at this guy and tell me he’s not batting for the other team), and the other sister decided to get married to a BLACK BASKETBALL STAR, you see dear readers, that’s a bad offense because that is our Queen’s Kryptonite, so the Queen had to do something, so she had a sham of a 72 day marriage, but that backfired on her and our Queen was almost dethroned by some other new younger famewhore, so our Queen decided to enter into another sham relationship, but this time she did it with a beloved subject, and with that, the famewhoreness was able to continue, our dear Queen was able to leak stories about how much she was besties with the Queen of a neighboring kingdom (when that didn’t work out, our Queen decided to spread stories regarding how “mean” the neighboring Queen was, but that’s a different story), and how much in love our beloved subject always was with our Queen (which hurts my heart so, but that is also another story), and with all of the stories about our dear Queen out and about in the press, our Queen’s famewhore status was intact, with no further threats to her status, that is until one of her sisters decided she didn’t want to live in our queen’s shadow, and that dear readers leads me to this:

Via National Enquirer:

KARDASHIAN clan is in an uproar – over KHLOE’s chance to host “The X Factor.” The show’s creator, Simon Cowell, has tabbed the leggy brunette as a possible co-host, and sources say that’s got her sisters Kourtney and Kim hair-pulling mad!

“Khloe and Kourtney recently ganged up on Kim for branching out on her own,” an insider told The ENQUIRER.

“They know that if Khloe gets the ‘X Factor’ gig, it will occupy so much time that she won’t be available for their TV show anymore.

“They’re worried that this will be the beginning of the end of the Kardashians.”

The family fracas started when Cowell – who axed original “X Factor” host Steve Jones in January – told talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres that he’s considering Khloe to be one of two hosts when the reality TV competition begins its live broadcasts in October. And that launched World War III among the sisters, who share star billing on the E! reality series “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

Ironically, in the past Kim has split from the pack to work on several of her own projects, and Khloe was said to be unhappy about it.

“Kim launched her own fragrance, was a judge on ‘Project Runway’ and made an appearance on ‘America’s Next Top Model,’” noted the insider.

“But now Khloe is doing exactly the same thing, prompting Kim and Kourtney to call her a hypocrite!

“Besides that, Kim thinks she should be the one on ‘The X Factor’ because she’s the clan’s biggest star.”

Khloe defended herself by reminding her sisters how she resisted striking out on her own when contacted by the weight-loss company Quicktrim to be their spokesperson and included them in the deal, so they all made a ton of money, according to the source. 

“Hosting ‘The ‘X Factor’ is a HUGE opportunity for Khloe, and she bluntly says her sisters can take it or leave it,” added the insider.

Meanwhile, the girls’ mother, Kris Jenner, is apparently dis¬tancing herself from the drama queens’ squabble.

“Kris is the only one who isn’t too upset since she’s Khloe’s manager and stands to get her cut anyway,” said the source. “Still, she doesn’t like to see her children fighting like this.”

Alas readers, this doesn’t look too good for the Queen’s younger sister, let’s hope she doesn’t end up where the rest of the siblings who cross our dear Queen go.


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